Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Yesterday Calvin had blood drawn and today he had three shots. He's grown into higher percentiles, which is fun, but boy does he scream when he gets stuck. The blood drawing nearly killed me; the shots today I was prepared for.

The first part of his blood work was fine, though.

This week I get to wean him off of formula. I think we might have a whole can of soy formula (or, you know, two and a half). I wonder if Wal-Mart would take them back. I'm not convinced this is going to go well. This is a baby who LOVES his bottle. But I'm going to get some whole milk at the store and try to get it started. Sigh.

Also, the house hunt is continuing. I don't remember if I posted that we're moving in August, but I found some interesting places in Milford, so we'll see if anything comes of it. There are nice areas of Milford, and I happened to discover a couple of them driving around recently, so if we can get in over there I'd be OK with it. It's just kind of a hassle to move, and have to change your address and whatever. Lots of things to think about that I haven't thought about.

Basically, this is just a short update to try and keep myself in the swing of it since I won't be doing monthly letters anymore. Probably every 3 or 6 for this year, but we'll see.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

June 22, 2011

Dear Calvin,

Happy birthday!

Well, we got you baptized Sunday. Hooray! And it was Daddy's first Father's Day. I really should have done more for him. We've been at the beach all this week, just south of Plymouth, and it's been a blast. You've been around Plymouth and in the bay and stayed in a neat old house. But today was your birthday, and I waited until the end so I could tell you all about it. Since you won't remember.

You had a whole cupcake all to yourself, and boy did you enjoy it. You also got some pretty awesome presents from some pretty awesome people, including a few trucks, a ball, a dress-up monkey, an Elmo phone, a DJ mixer piano, and some Mega Bloks (like Legos, only bigger). We spent your birthday traveling up the Cape, after lunch and cupcakes that is. Did I mention the cupcake? It was a giant mess. But also exciting.

It rained most of the day but that didn't stop it from being awesome. In Sandwich, a bunch of ladies who were on a church trip or something smiled at you at the glass museum and I held you up so you could watch glass blowing. In Orleans, you tried whipped cream and candy and ice cream. Ice cream is cold and therefore NOT GOOD. In Eastham we took you down to Nauset Beach and watched seals and crazy kids swimming in the ocean. And the best part: in Provincetown, after dinner (where you flirted back and forth with a slightly older little girl at the next table), you had a drag queen sing you Happy Birthday. She could not get over how cute you were, and she tried to convince me to take you to "baby's first drag show" which would have involved a performance of Lady Gaga and Beyonce's "Telephone" (which the two outside the bar were dressed as, and rather convincingly too) and as tempting as that offer was, we needed to get you home to bed because it had been a long day.

You're not walking yet but that's okay. I can't wait until you do, and yet I'm dreading it because you'll be all over the place when you can. This past year has been so wonderful, so exhausting, so gratifying, and I'm thankful for every minute I've spent with you.

Love you baby!


Friday, June 17, 2011

I Want To Be

I want to be thin, because I feel like carrying extra weight makes me seem irresponsible and a little bit sloppy.

I want to be in shape, because it's embarrassing to have to catch my breath when I carry the baby up the stairs.

I want my long hair back, because it made me look more feminine.

I want to be a good mother, because Calvin deserves it.

I want to be a good housewife, because I'm sick of doing freakout panic mode cleaning whenever people come over so that I can pretend that I am.

I want to be organized, because I can't find anything when I actually need it.

I want to be back in North Carolina, because I miss it and in some strange way I'm afraid that if we don't go back soon it will have turned on me and it won't be the place I love so much.

I want to have a tan, because albino skin isn't even cute on sparkly vampires.

(Not attractive.)

Friday, June 3, 2011

A Good Mother

(This is my first and possibly last post with pictures. Allie Brosh, I don't know how you do it.)

Am I a good mother?

Well...probably not.

But I'm not a bad mother.

I remember to change my son's diapers, feed him, keep him relatively clean, play with him, keep him from killing/seriously injuring himself, put him down for naps and to bed at reasonable times, and take care of him when he's sick or hurt. That's the important stuff, but it feels like the bare minimum. And that's kind of not a fair description. Those things I listed make up pretty much every minute of every day of my life for the last year. If it's not one thing, it's another. Sure, I have breaks to go on Facebook or write these blogs or occasionally clean my house or catch a nap or, you know, shower, but for the most part it's a constant job.

I've heard a lot of people talk about how stay-at-home moms are underappreciated, and I think we do a lot of it to ourselves. We view what we do every day as a bare minimum. I'm guilty of it.

I could make my own baby food! Because making your own baby food is healthier because you know what goes in it!

I would just like to note that "knowing what goes into your body" and "having healthy things go into your body" are NOT the same thing.

I could have continued to try to breastfeed for longer than one month!

He wouldn't eat. He developed bottle preference in the special care nursery. He was six weeks earlier and they often have trouble latching on properly, and with the amount of weight he needed to gain, a bottle was always more practical.

Still, I can't quite conquer the guilt over not doing it for longer.

I could lose my baby weight!

I see lots of moms who don't even look like they've had babies, and that's intimidating. I wasn't thin before, but I was a lot thinner than I am now, and I've actually gained weight since I had Calvin. I hear this is pretty common. Moms aren't able/don't have the energy to take care of themselves, because they're constantly taking care of a baby. This isn't so much a responsibility to the baby as it is to myself or my husband or the people around me, but I do feel like it's something that's expected of me that I'm not living up to.

These are not the only places where I'm insecure that I'm failing. I compare my parenting strategies to other moms. Is it bad that I comfort my child when he falls down? Is it bad that I leave my child in a diaper during the day any day I don't leave the house? Is it bad that my child has had eczema since he was three months old, and I can't isolate the cause or find anything to fix it? Is it bad that I do, occasionally, feed my child later than his schedule simply because I forget? Is it bad that he sometimes finds his way into dangerous things or hurts himself because I wasn't paying close enough attention? Is it bad that I let him cry, or worse if I pick him up every time he cries? I don't think anyone can answer those questions for me, but I also don't think anyone can convince me that everything I do is great, because I know better.