Maybe he'll grow up to play that foosball

The fetus has determined that his sleep schedule is NOT going to match mine, no matter how much I wish it would. He starts kicking late at night, and hard enough that it can actually wake me up. This morning he got started right around 8:30. It's almost as if he's sitting in there going, "Hey, did you know you have to pee? *kick* Because you do. *kick* And if you weren't aware of that fact, I'm going to make sure you're absolutely undeniably aware of it! *kick* *headbutt* Also, pushing on my head won't make me stop whacking you in the side." Because he DOES NOT MOVE. He finds a spot and says, "I'm going to kick here for a while."

This baby is going to have the most ridiculously well-developed calf muscles EVER.

I got verbally molested at the Dead Sea kiosk

I went shopping today (actually shopping! spending actual money! which I don't actually have!) and ended up stopping at the Dead Sea Cosmetics kiosk because the guy working was SO DAMN INSISTENT. Usually I can get by them but I had to pass him twice and the second time I failed. I guess it was kind of like the situation with the teacup pig (if you watch How I Met Your Mother, you will know what I mean). (Also, I want a teacup pig.) Anyway, so he ended up selling me this nail kit which is kind of baller, and makes my nails all shiny...so then the other girl working, I guess it was his manager? wanted to show me the main thing they sell, which is a Dead Sea salt scrub.

I was totally cool with that, and washed my hands with the stuff, which was actually rather nice and smelled like lime and coconut. But then as she was trying to convince me to buy some of that, she started making suggestions about how to use the salt and the accompanying body butter. It started off simple enough--talking about how the body butter can help with stretch marks from pregnancy, benefits to your skin, relaxing properties...but I really have never, nor ever want to in the future, considered the possibilities of using salt to spice up your sex life.

Let me repeat that, because it bears repeating:

YOU CAN USE DEAD SEA SALT TO MAKE SEXYTIME EVEN SEXIER.

(It took me a moment to determine whether that should have been "sexier" or "more sexy." Way to go, English major.)

This girl went on for about 5 minutes into a whole scenario about putting the salt scrub into bathwater, lighting some candles, getting a foot massage from my husband, using the body butter (I am so serious about this you guys)...fortunately she skipped over whatever was supposed to happen next by saying "so when you go to sleep later, when you wake up, you will feel like a prince and princess!" All of the folks who work at those kiosks are Israeli, so they have fun accents, if you can imagine that said in an Israeli accent.

OK, so I maybe considered buying some, but Brandon doesn't take baths, only showers, and I was still a little creeped out by the whole descriptive scenario. As nice as it might be. And considering that I'm married it's totally OK with Jesus if I want to introduce salt into the bedroom, right? But I didn't want to spend more money, and again: little weird.

Also I bought a baby jacket with monsters on it. IT WAS NECESSARY, OK? Here is a picture:


(Imagine this with a baby inside.)

Now you try to tell me that wasn't necessary. Also I got some free carrot cake at the jewelry store. NO, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I don't know why I'm feeling so defensive; I think it's that I never, ever spend money on anything that isn't absolutely necessary, so I feel weird about this. But that jacket makes everything awesome. My mom's reaction: "Your child is going to have the strangest clothing." Yeah mom, I'm going to dress my baby in a Run-DMC t-shirt and a jacket with monsters on it--I THINK YOU MEAN HE WILL HAVE THE AWESOMEST CLOTHING.

This thing is viable and is the size of an eggplant and, thank God, he's growing eyes. If he wants to pop out anytime between now and ever, I will welcome him into the world and out of my belly. Of course the longer he stays in there, the better it is for him; however, he kicks too much. He's kicking me right now. I think he knows there is an awesome monster jacket waiting for him, and he is excited about being the stylin'est baby on the block. I'm sure fetuses have that capacity for thought at 25 weeks.

Week 24

Today was the first time I looked down at my belly at the right time and saw the kick. It didn't look like a foot; in fact, it looked a little like in the movie Alien when the thing is kicking around in her stomach right before it BURSTS OUT THE FRONT...but he stayed in there. It was strange to see and to think, "Hey, that's someone else's foot."

Also today, Melonie--our guidance counselor--brought me some more maternity clothes and a few baby clothes that her three month old has outgrown. I didn't ever really stop to realize that baby shirt torsos are the same size as my hand. And these are clothes designed to be worn by a human! A tiny human, but an actual human! This is kind of terrifying and also kind of awesome. At this point, the baby is 12 inches long, according to the 3D pregnancy calendar, which means he is the length of a $5 footlong. I don't think I'll look at a sandwich the same way for a while.

Brandon's job interview went pretty well. We're waiting to hear the results, and I'm going to be biting my nails until we find out. I just want him to have a job so I know that everything is okay. Regardless of where it is, if it's a job and he's happy with it, I will be too. But I'm not moving until the baby comes!

Unimportant Information

Things that have been going on, healthwise:

I was put on medication for my blood pressure, which was high. The first medication they gave me was your basic beta blocker, which apparently interacts with my inhaler, which they didn't know I had. So they switched me to methyldopa, which has dropped the BP numbers and left me with no unpleasant side effects! Which is good, because the first drug made my head tingle.

My next doctor's visit is my glucose test where they check for gestational diabetes. I can't eat any sugar the day of that visit. HOW WILL I MAKE IT THROUGH MY CLASSES?! Actually, probably with little trouble. After that visit I will have to go once every two weeks for a checkup until June, I think, when I start going every week. This is going to be so weird.

Things that have been going on, otherwise:

We had a lovely trip to San Francisco. I did a lot of walking and we saw all the stuff we wanted to see, and on the whole it was just really enjoyable. Nice, considering this is our last big trip for God knows how long. You can't travel with children. I firmly believe that after being on planes and in public with small children (see also: facebook status update about children roaring like dinosaurs).

Brandon is leaving for Boston tomorrow for a job interview. Wish him luck!

There was a painter in SF who had the most gorgeous paintings of his daughter that I wanted to buy. I can't remember his name; it was one word, started with a T, and we didn't buy one because we are broke and Brandon said it would be odd to have paintings of a small black girl in our house. If anyone finds this guy's name I will love you.