Thursday, December 24, 2009

Oh, hey...

I haven't posted in a month, and anyone who knows me knows the reason for that. A couple of weeks ago I took a positive pregnancy test, and have since been to the doctor twice to confirm that, yep, there's something growing in there, and it's naaahhhht a toomah. I've always been a little weirded out by pregnancy blogs, and this really didn't start as a vessel for one, but you feel like you need to document it somehow and this is as good a place as any. Plus, no one reads it regularly anyway, so whatever. I DO WHAT I WANT.

One Monday morning at school I got to feeling really nauseated, to the point that I walked into the office and sat down in the floor next to the trash can because I was that sure I was going to throw up. I haven't thrown up since freshman year of college when I contracted some horrific intestinal virus from my roommate. (No hard feelings, Mandie!) Two of my colleagues joked that I was pregnant, and my immediate thought was "Ooh...maybe I should check that." I figured I'd go home, pee on a stick, get a negative, and go on with my life. So when I saw two little pink lines, I kind of stopped, stared, and ran to the car to go buy another test.

About that time Brandon came home and he drove me to Target to buy a couple of tests. We waited until after dinner to take it, and when it popped up "Pregnant" I think my immediate reaction was "Oh, shit." He was a lot more chill than I was. I, of course, immediately started thinking: Brandon doesn't have a job, I don't make enough money to support a baby, what if I lose it, have I had any alcohol in the last month, oh crap yes I have, but it wasn't much, OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY. It's been good for Brandon, since it's given him some ammo to take to his advisor and say "I need to graduate in May, because I have an impending baby to support," and mostly weird for me.

I think my biggest thought lately has been "Morning sickness should not last all day," and I've been nauseated nearly every single day. I've only thrown up twice--and, oddly, Mondays seem to be my "bad days," because both times I've actually vomited have been Mondays and the first day I felt sick was a Monday--but I'm about ready to roll into trimester #2 and stop with the pukey feeling.

We've discussed names, but not settled; I'm at eight weeks and three days as of today. We have time. I've been contemplating the job and the insurance and what I'm going to do when this tiny human pops out of me (if only it were that easy! I'm not so naive as to think so). But when I went to my first doctor's visit, panicked and sure that there was no fetus in there because I'd seen some blood, and the ultrasound technician played the heartbeat in that little room, and it wasn't my heartbeat, it was something completely separate from me that I had no control over, I think I was simultaneously as calm and as terrified as I've ever been in my life.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Today is a teacher workday at school, and thinking that my work would take me a lot longer than it did, I'm nearly finished with everything. So I decided to take a break and write a little bit about the things I'm thankful for. This was a journal I gave my students the other day to tie in with the novel and the upcoming holiday, and I think it made them realize that they are, for the most part, very fortunate.

In no particular order, I am thankful for:

-My husband, who is able to cheer me up when I'm depressed and make me feel like a hundred bucks, and who's always there for me.
-My family, because I'm close to all of them. I feel really blessed to have a great family that I don't hate and that hasn't turned me into a psychopath.
-The wonderful people I work with, who are getting me through the year.
-My friends, who take me at face value and who are wonderful to talk to and spend time with.
-My pets, who are soft and cuddly and entertaining.
-My new hairstylist, who is awesome! And, with that, my new haircut, which is pretty much perfect.
-My students, who make me laugh intentionally and unintentionally, and who I'm probably going to miss in spite of all their annoyances.
-The ability to laugh.

And right now, I'm thankful to be heading home in a few hours to see my family and spend time with my husband and my friends. Vacations are awesome!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Autumn Reading

So I got a notification from the library to let me know that my books were coming due, and between Target and the grocery store I dropped them off. While I was there, I figured since I'm usually really bad about returning books on time, I wouldn't get anything new. But on the way out I noticed this book.

I've only read part of chapter 1, "Preparing for Perfection," but already it's pretty hilarious. According to this book, I should name my baby Messiah or Almighty to predict his or her greatness. Basically it's a parody of all parenting books, and I'm enjoying it so far.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

True Story

One of my students walked out into the hallway, where I was checking on my students who were working in the hallway. I asked him to go back inside, and he said "Naw, man, I'm a thug!" He walked inside and flipped off the lights. When I said, "Why did you do that?" he said, "Cause that's what thugs do!" To which I replied, "My goodness, they've lowered the requirements to be a thug!"

Teaching high school makes me think children might not be a good idea, because eventually they turn into teenagers.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Things That Make You Go "Hmm..."

Amna suggested yesterday that we should get pregnant at the same time. Then she sent me this cartoon:

Once again, I'm being asked to think about having children. At least once a week I have a student ask me if I'm pregnant (another teacher was asked that and gave the best response I think I've ever heard, which was "No, honey, I'm just fat") or suggest that I have a baby. Usually it's with the ulterior motive of wanting to babysit, or just the fact that babies are kind of universally liked. They're little and cute and everybody goes "Aww" when they see them. Well, most people--I'm reminded of a friend from high school who was disgusted by small children and never wanted any.

I, however, want children. I don't know how many, but a couple, and I would like to get started relatively soon. I doubt that logistically we'll actually be able to coordinate this pregnancy scheme, but it might be fun to go through it with someone else. And as if that suggestion weren't enough baby encouragement, my cousin and his wife just adopted a baby. Which means I now have three cousins with sons, and their names are Caden, Pacesen, and Wells. My grandmother, apparently, is distressed by the names her grandbabies are getting, and not cheered up by my husband's desire to name our son Calvin (after Snoop Dogg, unfortunately).

There are a lot of pluses and minuses to having a baby at any point, but the biggest is that right now we're living paycheck to paycheck and a baby costs money. We're also in a rental house (not like that matters, it's two bedrooms, so we can fit at least one small human into that one). But I have a job, Brandon's going to get a job next year, and there is some part of me that feels like I should be a mother--not because I'm married and it's what you do, but because I think I would be a really good mom and that having kids would make me a better person and a better teacher. Also, my mother is on my case about it too, so the only thing stopping us. And money. And not feeling like I'm old enough to have kids, which I may never. So we'll see if it goes anywhere.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy Veteran's Day!

I did absolutely nothing today. OK, not true at all: I spent the day with my husband, went to see if I could find some vintage boots for Ginny's Christmas play, visited Amna at Caribou (best coffee ever!), and allowed my husband to go see Parnormal Activity while I...did nothing. I love days off; they're so relaxing.

I'm getting bad at updating yet again. I can't keep track of these things to save my life. It's why I never kept a diary as a kid, and why it was such a big deal to me to even keep an agenda for a full semester when I went abroad in college. And I mean, I KEPT that agenda--I folded the pages down in a nice double-triangle pattern at the end of every day, and I kept it neat, and I was so careful about putting in assignments and appointments--I really thought that habit would continue. But I can't keep a digital agenda, and somehow the pattern slipped, and I've never kept it since.

Either way, home life is quite good. I have been doing (but not folding) a lot of laundry, cooking (but not washing dishes), and straightening up (but not deep cleaning) the living room and kitchen periodically. When you have a full time job on top of hosue duties, it's hard to keep up with.

Friday, November 6, 2009

This Is How We Do It, It's Friday Night

Well, I've already gotten slacker than I would like. Instead of doing laundry tonight, I mucked around on Facebook and watched Charlie run around (that's our chinchilla). I guess this means spending tomorrow on laundry and dishes. That seems to be a pattern for my weekends, which is fine.

At school I've just finished a two-day planning workshop using "backward design" principles. Although I was apprehensive about it at first, and really not thrilled to be out of my classroom, it was really helpful. I've pretty much planned the rest of my semester. It's a good place to be and I'm looking forward to teaching it. Yearbook is proving slightly less rosy with students not working and possibly stealing my candy. (Literally, but don't ask.)

Brandon and I have been talking a lot about what's going to happen at the end of the school year when he graduates and gets a job. I'm back and forth between graduate school and starting a family. If I go ahead and do grad school now, I'll be done with it; however, I know that I can have a kid and take classes part-time. I want to be around for my kids and not working full-time when they're little. It just comes down to when we think we're ready for it and when it happens. I have no trouble signing on for the stay-at-home mom program. It just depends on a lot of things, not the least of which is if and where he's employed.

And on that note, I'm off to bed. I injured my ankle at kickball so I might soak it in hot water before bed to try to ease the aching--although it's more of a twinge--and hopefully I'll be over it by tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

What Actually Happened

Well...okay. In addition to teaching, I'm also the assistant swim coach, yearbook adviser, and prom coordinator (not that the last one has involved any effort on my part to date). Today I had swim practice and then came home to clean furiously before guests arrived for a dinner party. I managed to accomplish all of the things I wanted to (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, straightening an extent) but part of the problem is with moving things from place to place rather than finding them a home. So getting organized is part of the goal.

On a side note, new friends are cool!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

To-Do List

I've decided to become a housewife.

This isn't a career change or even a major restructuring of my life. I'm just finding that more and more, I'm dissatisfied with my job (I teach high school) and desperately need a goal for the remaining seven months of school. I want something to keep me occupied and take my mind off of the job. So, the goal is this: I will improve my organizational and housekeeping skills and work to develop good habits where cooking and cleaning are concerned.

As I'm starting this, there are dirty dishes in the sink. There is a pile of laundry that has spilled outside of the hamper. The clean clothes are not folded--they're balled up on the chair in the guest bedroom. The living room is a mess. Our bed is not made, and neither is the guest bed, which doesn't have clean sheets on it. I'm seriously wondering if it's possible to start off any worse; I really am a terrible housekeeper. But I figure, it's a new quarter, it's November, I have seven months, so what can I do with it? It feels productive and I think it'll be good for me. Not only that, but there's a definite end result, which is a clean house (and hopefully less time spent sleeping on the couch).

At school we make SMART goals, which stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Based. I think. I probably got it wrong. Whatever it is, this feels like a SMART goal. By June 2010, I will develop regular housekeeping habits that contribute to the improvement of my living conditions and hopefully the preservation of my sanity and feelings of self-worth. I'll keep this posted.