Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Sons of Mothers

My baby gets a lot of compliments when we go out in public. People comment on how cute he is, how well-behaved he is, and how toothless he is. Yes, he still has no teeth, and very little hair, but his eyes are starting to develop a little burst of brown around the pupils like mine have, which is cool. And he is very cute and very well-behaved. I love him more than I could possibly express.

But I've been thinking today about what's going to happen when he gets bigger. Jack is mobile, and crawls like a caterpillar on speed, not to mention creeping along anything he can get a handhold on and trying to climb over the back of the couch. Babies is dangerous. One day Calvin will be at that stage. And then he will walk. And then he will run. And then he will run INTO things. And around and over and under things. And he will climb and flip and wrestle and jump and do all kinds of stupid ill-advised things (because I can already see shades of my brother in him) and I will patch him up and assure him that I love him and he's going to be fine, there's a reason your head is so hard.

I'm terrified of my baby becoming a real child. Right now he's in his crib NOT TAKING A NAP LIKE HE SHOULD BE, but eating his feet and rolling around and yelling at the mobile and probably pulling the blanket over his face because that's what he does. I love watching him interact with things and people, whether it's strangers or his daddy or other babies or his own reflection. He's awesome. But he's still little and very easy to control. And thank God for that, because if I had a difficult baby I might not be thinking of having another one.

(WHAT?! Thinking of having another baby? Have I gone completely insane? Have I forgotten the pain and nausea and fatigue and swollen feet and high blood pressure and sleepless nights and constant need to pee and cravings for weird, random foods and bed rest and labor and bleeding and pain and recovery time and more sleepless nights because the baby doesn't have his clock set and constant diapering, feeding, soothing, and myriad other tasks that constitute the process required to create and maintain a baby?!!)

No. I haven't. But I want my children to be close in age, and it would be nice to take all my mommy time at once. I'm reticent to go back to work because I don't want to leave Calvin. I want to stay home with him every day and snuggle and play and argue about naptime and even change diapers and go to the store and make him laugh and play and so on. His laugh is hilarious and I've found consistent ways to bring it out. And I might not be the world's best mother, but he's my baby and I want to spend as much time with him as I can before he becomes this child I'm so afraid of. Fortunately, I don't have a lot of valuable, breakable objects, or we'd be in REAL trouble.

Someone is hammering somewhere around me and I don't approve. I'd like to take a nap, please.

1 comment:

  1. haha I totally understand Amy!! I look at my tiny littlr girl and i can't imagine what shes' gonna be like hwen she's older and running around! I know what you mean about having another one too... i want my kids to be close in age too, but right now i just want to enjoy my little baby!